16 centimetres or so

Its springtime in London. 

I feel like I'm in 1700s. Although its actually 2014. But barristers' Inns of Court will do that to you.

I'm in a room with wall to wall shelving, all heaving with the kind of leather bound legal books that I remember spending hours and hours photocopying in the law library. The All England Law Reports, titles like that.  

The room is also full of people.

In front of me is someone who was then a QC, now a KC. Next to them is another senior barrister on one side and a junior on the other. (Altogether that adds up to quite the bill.)

Keeping me company are our solicitors. And my CEO and CFO. Evidently, we're in a serious situation.

After 18 months of prepping defences, disclosures and witness statements, we're finally getting to hear from our QC. Our ace card, our legal eagle.

What I definitely wasn't expecting was them to open the discussion with this:

"Why on earth are you letting this get to court? You need to get out of this as fast as possible"

And that’s the exact point when I realised that I’d been reading this whole legal situation wrong right from the start. 

It was only then after a lot of money on lawyers fees, and after all that internal prep work, that I realised that we shouldn't have been having this fight at all. That we should never even have thought about rolling this legal dice. That I should have been looking for another approach the second this thing hit my desk

I immediately felt sick to my stomach.

That only got a lot worse when I glanced over at my boss to see that he'd realised the same things himself.

The look he gave me had "P45" written all over it. And I couldn't blame him for that in any way, shape or form.

My exact job was to keep us out of trouble. And here we were in a whole heap of it that I hadn't properly spotted.

It is a work day I will never forget.

Partly because it was the jolt that started us on the right path to the right result. (Which is ultimately what helped me avoid the P45.)

But also because that day is pivotal in how I now approach legal stuff.

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There’s a mindset that I see get adopted pretty much across the board with anything legal.

 Engage Lawyers. Get your defences up, raise your fists. Give no consideration or credibility to the other business's concerns. For me to succeed, you must lose. Get ready to scrap for every point.

Combat, in other words. Business as a zero sum game.

That's certainly the mindset we adopted in the situation above. We gave nothing more than a cursory, derogatory thought to the other business.

"They're just a bunch of chancers wanting to take advantage of our success".

At no point prior to hearing those words from our QC did I even consider that a combative approach might be misguided. It's as blind as I've ever been in my career.

Because there’s no inherent reason why that combative stance should be the default in legal. After all, we’ve outlawed combat pretty much everywhere else. 

If I was to bop you on the nose, I’d be breaking several laws in the UK, not just one. And public violence has been illegal since at least 1861 when the Offences Against the Person Act was passed.

Fighting is something we, as a society, only tolerate in a few very limited circumstances. Like boxing, for example.

But even the fighting within the ring doesn't suggest its a good thing to adopt as the default in legal stuff. Yes, post-bout, you'll hear “I respect him as a fighter” from boxers. But don't be fooled by that nonsense.

Look instead at the number of times there’s an excuse offered, quickly followed by an immediate demand for a re-match. 

Even where we permit combat, winning still creates an enemy who’s itching to get back at you. For however long it takes. Even if they never catch up with you, you're certainly never building anything positive with that enemy ever again. And goodness knows what they're saying about you behind your back.

Personally, I don't think any of that is a good thing for any business in the long-term.

And yet still, combat is the 'go to' strategy for pretty much everything legal. With few lawyers suggesting any real alternative.

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So it's time for you to turn away from that combat. Especially as its you, not your lawyers, that actually control how any legal thing on your desk goes. It's time to collaborate and put your relationships first.

Starting with your next contract. And here's how. Here's step 1 in the Relationship First Law OS: Contracts Edition.

The next time a contract hits your desk, pause. 

Resist the immediate temptation to approach your contract as a battle where you have to ‘win’ as many points as you can from the other side.

Instead, adopt these two key mindsets:

First, start with trust and respect for your business partner. 

Remember, you are hoping to work successfully  with this business or person for many years to come. And the vast majority of people in business are genuinely looking to have fruitful enjoyable collaborations.

So it's not just OK, but eminently sensible, to trust others in that case.

And don't worry about being "stiffed".

If someone's a chancer looking to take advantage of you, rather than collaborate, you'll still have plenty of time to find that out as the process goes on. So there's no need to be suspicious or distrustful of your chosen partner from the get go. 

Instead, be open, trustful and respectful.

That's the essential platform to build a successful prosperous long-term relationship. 

Secondly, focus on identifying the things that help things to go right in the long term. 

Success binds businesses together much more strongly than any legal document can. So you need to deliberately look to build the framework for that success. Rather than worry about what you can do if things go wrong.

Don't focus on how to lay the groundwork for suing them if things don't go to plan.

Bringing a legal claim is expensive, stressful, lengthy and uncertain. It's gambling in wigs and robes, but without any free drinks. Which means that you are extremely unlikely to actually sue your partner. (Even if lawyers try to tell you that’s a perfectly normal, sensible thing to do)

Instead, approach your contract with a constructive mindset.

Be ready to look for every opportunity to underpin and solidify the relationship you're going to build.

Rather than trying to stockpile ammo to fire back.

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And that's it, that’s step 1.

Like a lot of things, it starts with the 16 cms between your ears. Your big beautiful brain.

The way to start applying a Relationship First Law approach in your business genuinely is as simple as resolving to approach your contract with the right mindset.

Choose to be open & truthful, and ready to help make sure things go right in the long term. Rather than suspicious & wary, and looking to prepare for what you'll do when things go wrong.

Sounds simple. It is simple.

The only tricky bit is believing that you have the licence to do it.

Next week, we'll move onto step 2:

See you then

Andrew

PS: if you've got any questions on this, just hit reply and let's discuss them.

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This is part of the Relationship First Law OS (Contracts Edition), a 9 step guide to being collaborative not combative in your contracts, so that your agreements get signed more quickly & cheaply, while also being more effective on the ground… because you'll have two happy parties working together voluntarily for a long time to come.